


Don't Forget Where You Belong

by larrysleeds



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Amnesia, Blow Jobs, Bottom Harry, But also not, Fingering, First Time, Kid Fic, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Pregnancy, Rimming, Surrogacy, Top Louis, harry and louis are parents, harry has amnesia, i should probably be studying for finals, not mpreg though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-08
Updated: 2015-05-18
Packaged: 2018-03-29 15:10:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3900844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larrysleeds/pseuds/larrysleeds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i> "Harry, it would appear that you have amnesia. When you were in the car crash you hit your head pretty hard. Our neurosurgeon successfully treated your Subdural Hematoma but brain surgery puts a lot of stress on the brain. Headaches, amnesia, tenderness and general confusion are all common side effects of Burr hole trephination. These side effects are often temporary but we won’t know the full extent of the impact of the car accident until we run some more tests." Dr. Jacobs gives him a small reassuring smile before asking him, "Now Harry, how old are you?"</i>
</p><p> </p><p>  <i>"I'm 16" he replies quickly. Harry can see the concern in both his mother and the doctor's faces deepen.</i></p><p>  <i>"Harry, you're 28. It's 2022.” <i></i></i></p><p>  <i></i><br/>or the one where Harry has amnesia and still thinks he's 16.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing, I know nothing, this work is pure fiction.
> 
> I want to say thank you to everyone who's been supportive of my writing especially my lovely betas [Serena](https://twitter.com/littlelacehaz) and [Alex](https://twitter.com/clintashs)

Harry opens his eyes, blinking at the harsh light above him. He doesn't know where he is. He doesn't know how he got there. All he knows is he's lying in a foreign bed and the light above him is really fucking bright and it's not helping his headache.

Harry's head is throbbing; he can feel his pulse like a hammer against the back of his head. He struggles to keep his eyes open because the light is too bright. His head hurts and he's exhausted just thinking about all of it. Harry doesn't even mind that he doesn't know where he is; he just wants to sleep. But before he can sleep something catches his eye.

There's a man sitting in the corner of the room looking positively distraught. He has a young child sleeping in his lap and tear tracks down his cheeks, an expression of fear and regret etched across his face. Harry can't place the man; he doesn't think he's ever seen him before. Harry can't help but wonder why the man is so upset. Could it be the sleeping child in the man's arms? The child must be his son. The resemblance is striking despite the age difference. Harry wants to sit up and ask the man if he's okay, but his body refuses to cooperate and instead sleep overtakes him.

 

☼ ☼ ☼

 

A few days pass before Harry wakes up again. This time, he's more alert. His head isn't pounding quite so much. When he opens his eyes he spends a bit more time taking in his surroundings. He's in a hospital, he's certain of that much. He's in a small room with a bunch of machinery next to him that he suspects he's somehow hooked up to. He can see that he's attached to an IV and there are restraints on the bed keeping him from sitting up or falling out. Harry doesn't mind the restraints though; he has no interest in moving. He aches all over. His head still feels like it’s being slammed against a brick wall every time his heart pulses.

Harry's vision is a bit blurry, but he can still make out the same man sitting in the corner of the room. This time he has a little girl in his lap and they're playing patty cake. The tear tracks are gone, replaced by dark circles and a look that's some sort of cross between hopelessness and desperation. He smiles at the little girl but it doesn't reach his eyes. Harry thinks he recognizes the little girl, or rather he thinks she looks strikingly similar to a younger version of his sister. He knows though it can't be Gemma as she's 18, not a toddler, and her hair was never that curly.

Harry wonders where Gemma is.  _Does she know he's in the hospital? What about his mum? Does she know? Where are they? Why aren't they here?_ Harry starts to panic.  _What if they're in the hospital too?_ The realization dawns on him that he doesn't know what's going on or why he's in the hospital or where his family is. The thought terrifies him. His mum and Gemma are the only important people in his life and he can't lose them.

Harry can feel himself falling back asleep and it scares him. He needs his family. He needs to know that they're okay. They have to be okay. Tears start to run down his face and he chokes out a small sob.

The last thing he remembers before falling back asleep is a small voice asking, "Why's papa crying?"

 

☼ ☼ ☼

 

The next time Harry wakes up he hears a voice. He doesn't open his eyes but he tries to listen. He doesn't recognize the voice.

"No, mum, he's not awake. He's been asleep for nearly two weeks now. Amelia said she saw him crying a few days ago but I think she might have misunderstood." The voice sounds like it's about to crack.

There's a pause before he speaks again. It sounds like he's talking on the phone, Harry thinks.

"Mum, I don't know, and I'm starting to worry he's not going to wake up. The doctor said he hit his head really hard and they won't know the full impact until he wakes up, but they're not confident that he's going to wake up anymore," the voice is crying now. Harry wants to hug the voice. He doesn't know the person but he hates hearing people cry. He wants to hold the person close and tell them that whoever it is, they're going to wake up and they're going to be okay. Harry wonders if the voice belongs to the man who has been sitting in the corner.

Harry's thoughts are interrupted when he hears the voice start to talk again. "Anne's watching them, they're at the house. They're going crazy asking when papa's going to be home. What am I supposed to tell them mum? I don't know what's happening! I don't even know if he's okay, what am I supposed to tell the kids? What if he doesn't wake up? I don't think I can handle it without him. I need him, mum, especially with the twins on the way. I can't lose him," the voice sobs softly. Harry can't help but feel bad for the voice.

There's muffled talking on the line that Harry can't quite make out before the voice replies, "They've been by, but there's not much to do here. You just sit here waiting for him to wake up. It's so hard to watch because he's hooked up to so many machines and he's covered in bandages and cuts and bruises. Niall took one look at him and had to leave because he was crying so hard. Mum, he looks so broken. I'm so scared he's not going to recover."

Harry drifts off thinking about the voice. He really hopes the person that they're worried about is okay.

 

☼ ☼ ☼

 

The next time Harry wakes up there's no one in the room. It's just him and the machines whirring beside him. The chair in the corner is still there but this time the man is nowhere to be seen. Harry's chest aches at the man's absence. He's not sure why he liked having the man there, but it seemed to make him feel not so alone.

Without the man to distract him, Harry has nothing to focus on. His mind wanders to thinking about the man. He wonders why he left and where he went. Harry misses him more than he knows he should. He hopes the person the man was worried about is okay, but before Harry can think too much about it, the rhythmic hum of the machines next to Harry slowly lulls him back to sleep.

 

☼ ☼ ☼

 

Harry can't really keep track of how much time has passed but he thinks it's probably been another day or two the next time he wakes up. He doesn't open his eyes at first. Instead, he hears the voice again.

It's no more than a broken whisper, "I wish you would wake up darling. I miss you. I love you so so much, please don't ever forget that." Harry feels a soft set of lips brush a kiss on his forehead and a single wet tear splashes down on his cheek. Harry slowly opens his eyes. He has to see who the voice is.

Blinking rapidly as his eyes adjust to the harsh light of the hospital room, Harry takes in his surroundings once again to see that not much has changed. The machines are still running next to his bed and he's still strapped down, preventing him from moving. The only real change is the chair is no longer in the corner; it's next to Harry's bed and the man from before is sitting in it. He must be the voice Harry realizes.  _Why did he kiss my forehead? Why is he crying over me? Who is he?_ Harry's mind is spinning trying to answer his own questions.

"Uhh" Harry murmurs blankly, confused by the situation. His voice is rough and deeper than he expects but he chalks it up to sleeping so much and not drinking any water. The man just stares, his jaw gone slightly slack. Harry worries the man may have gone into shock until he hears the man release a sob, his entire body shaking.

"Harry? Love, are you alright? You're awake. Are you okay? Can I get you something?" The man looks so relieved. "You had me so worried, H, I thought you were never going to wake up. The kids are going to be so happy you're awake. Are you alright?" Harry finds himself a bit overwhelmed by all the questions. He doesn’t know how he’s feeling. If anything, he feels a bit disconnected, like his mind and body don’t quite work together the way he remembers. He can feel the heavy weight of blankets and bandages that cover him and he can feel the scratchy material of the hospital gown but he doesn’t know how to feel emotionally. He still doesn't know who the man is and he finds himself far more interested in the man than learning about his current condition and how he got there.

"Who are you?" He asks, not daring to raise his voice above a whisper, his throat dry and sore.

"What do you mean 'who are you'? Harry, it's me, Louis." The man looks concerned, "Are you feeling alright love?"

"Who are you?" Harry asks a second time, raising his voice just slightly.

"I-I don’t understand. You must be feeling a bit groggy, love. Probably just a side effect of the anesthetic wearing off,” the man explains, his voice a bit frantic but controlled nonetheless.

“Who are you?” Harry asks a third time; annoyed he hasn’t been given a straight answer.

“Are you trying to be funny? Now’s not really the best time for one of your jokes, love. Do you not recognize me? It's me, Louis, your husband." The man's face drops. He looks as if his entire world has been shattered; distraught doesn't even begin to cover it.

Harry laughs, more out of fear than actual humor. The man must be crazy or confused.

"What are you talking about? I'm not married. I'm only 16, and my mum would kill me. I've never met you before. Who are you really? What are you doing here? What am I doing here? Where's my mum?" Harry can feel himself starting to panic. He wishes someone would tell him what’s really going on.

The man starts to cry again and quickly whispers "I'm gonna go fetch a doctor, love, I'll be right back. Please try to breathe."

Despite his confusion and fear, Harry is sad to see the man leave. He feels bad for the man who clearly cares very deeply for someone that he’s managed to mix up with Harry. Harry really doesn’t want to be alone in the strange hospital room.

 

☼ ☼ ☼

 

The man---Louis, he'd called himself, didn't come back right away. Harry could see him. He was sat just outside the room crying, talking on a cell phone. Harry wants to comfort him but he can't get up and even if he could, he doesn't think he'd be much good at comforting Louis.

When Louis eventually does come back, he has a whole entourage with him. There are the two children that had been with him earlier, the little girl balanced on his hip, and three other men who look about Louis' age, as well as a doctor. Harry doesn't recognize any of them. He starts to cry softly as they all come into the small hospital room.

"Harry, love, what's wrong?" Louis questions.

"Why am I in the hospital? Where's my mum? Why are you all here? I don't know any of you, I just want my mum." Harry starts to cry harder, "Where's my mum?"

The doctor ushers everyone besides Louis out of the room. Louis hands the little girl to the man with blonde hair and she giggles as the blonde man tickles her sides. The doctor walks over to Harry and checks the different machines next to him. "Mr. Tomlinson, I need you to calm down. Your blood pressure is getting too high and unless you want to be sedated you need to calm yourself."

Harry panics; the doctor doesn't even know who he is. How the hell is he supposed to be calm if no one knows who he is and he has no clue why he’s in the hospital?

"Who the heck is Mr. Tomlinson? Where's my mum?" Harry's on the verge of a nervous breakdown. His breathing is uneven and his vision is blurry.

"Mr. Tomlinson, I need you to calm down. Your high blood pressure is putting you at risk. I don't want to sedate you, but if you can't calm down I don't have another choice." The doctor is so severe; he only increases Harry's distress.

"Who are you? Why am I in the hospital? Where's my mum? I need my mum!" Harry's screaming now. He's frustrated and scared and no one is answering his questions.

The doctor doesn't look pleased and Louis has a look of utter despair on his face. Harry begins to thrash about, trying to get up out of the bed so he can find his mum. He feels a sharp jab as the doctor gives him an injection of some sort and then everything goes black.

 

☼ ☼ ☼

 

"Harry, love, can you wake up for me please?" Harry recognizes his mother's voice.

"Mum?" He blinks, opening his eyes and searching for her. She's sitting in the same chair where Louis had sat. She looks much older than he remembered. Her hair has started to grey and she hasn't bothered to dye it. Her face has a few more laugh lines and wrinkles. She may not be the same as Harry remembers, but she's still undoubtedly his mother and that makes him feel safe. He knows his mum. She isn't a stranger to him, unlike everyone else he's seen lately.

"Mum what happened? Why am I in the hospital?" Harry knows she'll give him the truth. Harry trusts his mother to tell him what's going on.

"You were in a pretty bad car crash and you broke a few bones, lost a lot of blood and hit your head. Aw, baby, we were all so worried about you. You've been in a coma for the past month. We were starting to worry you weren't ever going to wake up." His mum is crying as she explains.

"Where's Gemma? Is she okay?" Harry asks, anxious to hear about his sister.

"Gemma's good. She wanted to come visit you honey, but she's so busy in Sheffield with the kids and she didn't want to leave Brad all by himself to take care of them." Anne smiles softly at her son.

"Who's Brad? Why's Gemma in Sheffield? Whose kids is she with?" Harry's head is spinning with confusion.

"Do you not remember, sweetie? Let me call Dr. Jacobs in here." His mother turns to press the call button beside his bed and within minutes a young brunette doctor enters the room. Harry breathes a sigh of relief when he sees it’s not the doctor from before, the one who thought he was “Mr. Tomlinson”.

"Hi Harry, I'm Dr. Jacobs. How are you feeling?" She's much nicer than the doctor Harry talked to before and she seems to actually know who he is, so Harry feels a bit better.

"I'm okay. My, uh, throat's a bit sore and my head hurts a bit, but I'm okay." Harry surprises himself with his voice once again. It's deeper than normal.

"Why don't you drink some water while we have a chat? How's that sound?" Dr. Jacobs asks with a smile.

"Okay," Harry agrees, taking a sip of the water bottle handed to him.

"Now Harry can you tell me what year it is? What was the last thing you remember happening before the accident?" The doctor pulls out some sort of high tech tablet thing to take notes.

"It's 2010 right? I remember I was eating dinner with my mum and Gemma, and Gemma was making fun of me because I said I was thinking about auditioning for The X Factor." Harry looks over to his mother for confirmation, but her shock is evident in her expression even as she tries to wipe her face of all emotion.

"Harry, it would appear that you have amnesia. When you were in the car crash you hit your head pretty hard. Our neurosurgeon successfully treated your Subdural Hematoma but surgery puts a lot of stress on the brain. Headaches, amnesia, tenderness and general confusion are all common side effects of Burr hole trephination. These side effects are often temporary but we won’t know the full extent of the impact of the car accident until we run some more tests." Dr. Jacobs gives him a small reassuring smile before asking him, "Now, Harry, how old are you?"

 

"I'm 16" he replies quickly. Harry can see the concern in both his mother and the doctor's faces deepen.

"Harry, you're 28. It's 2022."

"What? No, I'm 16. You're just pulling my leg aren't you? This is just a joke right?" Harry looks to his mother for confirmation, but she's crying into her hands. "What-what's going on here?" Harry's on the verge of tears. He can’t have just lost 12 years of his life. That’s not possible.

"Harry, you were in a bad car accident. You had numerous injuries, the most prominent of them being a large impact to your head. You have amnesia Harry. You've most likely temporarily lost your memory for what would appear to be the last 12 years of your life. Hopefully with time and therapy your memory will come back, but for now you're going to need to remain in the hospital to be treated for your other injuries," Dr. Jacobs explains to him sympathetically. Harry takes a moment to think about that. He doesn't feel like he's 28. He feels like he's still 16. He feels confused and scared and at least a little bit curious.

"That man, the one from before, Louis, I think he said his name was, is he really my husband? Am I really married? Those kids with him are-are they his kids?" Harry questions. His mind is spinning a mile a minute.  _What part of his life did he forget? How can he possibly be 28? That’s so old. How did he get so old?_

"I'm gonna go get Mr. Tomlinson and leave you all to explain what's happened over the past decade or so." Dr. Jacobs slips out of the room. A few minutes pass before the man, Louis, enters.

Louis' eyes are shining and it's clear he's been crying recently. Harry doesn't want the man to cry. Harry hates it when people are upset.

"Please don't cry," Harry whispers. "I'm sorry that I don't remember you." Harry feels bad. He knows he's the reason the man is so sad. He wants to remember Louis; he wants to make Louis smile.

"Oh, Harry," Louis blubbers, "It's not your fault, love. I'm so happy you're alive. I was so scared I'd lost you. I don't know how I’d be able to cope without you."

"So we're married?" Harry asks tentatively. He can't quite wrap his head around the idea. He's never even been in love before. He's not even sure what love is.  _How on earth is he supposed to be married to someone he doesn't even know?_ Someone who's nearly twice his age and has kids. Harry knows he's not ready for that.

Louis doesn't answer at first, fidgeting in his seat. He plays with a ring on his left hand that Harry realizes must be his wedding band. When he finally speaks, his voice is uneasy, like he's trying to hold back tears. "We've been married for almost 8 years. Our wedding anniversary is about a month away. June 16th." Louis takes a deep breath, "What else do you want to know love?"

Harry hesitates; he's not sure what he wants to know. It’s so strange for him to hear about his life from someone else while not being able to remember living it. He's curious, so, so curious about Louis, about everything, but he's scared too.  _What if he finds out something he doesn't want to know? What if he did something terrible?_  He doesn't know if he could live with himself if he hurt someone. In the end though, he knows he's too curious not to ask.

"Tell me everything, please."

"I don't even know where to begin. So much has happened in the past 12 years. Why don't you ask questions and I'll answer them to the best of my ability."

"Who's the little girl who looks like Gemma and the little boy who looks like you?"

"The girl is our daughter Amelia. She's three years old. She's the younger of our two children. Nathaniel, or Nate as we call him, is the boy. He's our son. He's five years old."

"Why did the first doctor call me Mr. Tomlinson?"

"When we got married you took my last name."

"Oh," Harry doesn't hide his disappointment well. He loves his name. He loves the way it sounds. He always thought he and his partner and children would have the last name Styles.

Louis looks like he's going to start crying again. "You were so happy to be Harry Tomlinson. You practiced signing your name for days because you loved the way it looked."

Harry's confused. He can't imagine himself ever wanting to change his name. He can see the hurt in Louis' eyes and he can't help but feel guilty. He's clearly hurting this man who claims he loves him. Harry wants to tell the man that it's okay, he loves him too and they're going to go back to what's apparently 'their normal life'. But he can't. Louis is a stranger to him. A stranger that's 14 years older than him. Harry knows that Louis actually isn't that much older in reality, but that doesn't change the fact that Harry is very much still a 16 year old mentally. The idea of getting married and settling down to have a family was always something he thought of for his distant future. Very distant future. He's not ready for any of this right now. He doesn't know how to be a husband and he sure as hell doesn't know how to be a father. He's just a kid himself.

Harry decides that talking about his new grown up life will only cause him to freak out, so he tries to change the subject. “What do you do for a living?" He asks Louis, hoping to lighten the mood.

Louis shakes his head quickly as if he's clearing his thoughts, before he replies, “I’m a host for a talk show."

"So you're, like, proper famous?" Harry's confused. He's never known anyone famous before. He doesn't know if he should be feeling star struck. He doesn't know how to react. He wonders how he and Louis met and how they managed to end up together. He can't imagine himself being married and he most certainly can't imagine himself being married to someone famous.

"Well, yes, but not because of that," Louis chuckles.

"Then how are you famous?" Harry asks, even more confused than before.

"Same reason as you, love, One Direction." Harry doesn't understand. He knows that Louis is implying that he's famous as well, but Harry knows that can't be possible.  _He's just Harry_. He's nothing special or out of the ordinary. He's just the dorky kid with curls and dimples that can't seem to lose his baby fat. He's just a 16 year old who's never done anything exciting in his life. Harry doesn't understand.

"I don't understand."

Louis sighs, "When you were 16 you auditioned on The X Factor and you got put in a group with me and three other lads. We kind of made it big. Like, 7 platinum albums, a handful of number one singles, a few books, a movie, and 5 sold out world tours big. There's so much more to it than that and we have a whole long and complex story as a band, but I can explain that to you later if you haven't remembered everything by then."

"What? No, you're pulling my leg. Gemma says I can't even sing." Harry admits sheepishly. He knows he's not special enough to be a rock star. Rock stars are charismatic and beautiful and sexy and talented and Harry knows he's none of those things. Louis must be messing with him. There's no other explanation.

Louis looks directly into Harry's eyes and says with a hint of annoyance, but also a touch of affection, "I promise you, I'm not. Harry, darling, I know you don't remember me but I need you to trust me. I'm not going to tell you anything but the truth. I know you can't remember right now, babe, but you mean the world to me and I'd never intentionally do anything to mislead you or hurt you. I promise I only want to help you remember." Harry accepts that. He's not sure why but he trusts Louis. He trusts the older man not to hurt him. He doesn't necessarily believe him yet, but he trusts him.

"What do I do now? Are we still a band?" Harry desperately wants to know more about this band, but he gets the feeling that Louis doesn't want to talk about it right now.

"We've taken a break from band related stuff, but the other lads are still an important part of our lives. You're a bit of a self proclaimed housewife, babe, but you've also been slowly working on a solo album for the past few years." Louis smiles at him. This smile seems more genuine than the rest, fondness evident in his expression.

"Louis, am-am I a good dad?" Harry's embarrassed by his question. He hopes he is a good father, he always imagined himself being a fun dad. He knows he wants to be a good dad. He wants his children to like him. He wants to be good for his children.  _What if he can't be good enough for his kids now that he's forgotten everything? What if he isn't ready or capable of being a parent and messes everything up?_

"The best. You're wonderful with the kids; they love you to bits. Half the time I'm certain Mia likes you better than me, “Louis laughs, and he still has that genuine smile on his face.

"Who's Mia?" Harry asks, once again confused.

"Our daughter, Amelia. We call her Mia for short.” Louis’ smile is gone. Not even a slight trace of it left behind. A look of fear sneaks across his face even though he tries to hide it. Harry feels terrible. He doesn't even know his own daughter's name.  _How the hell is he supposed to be a good father if he doesn't even know his own kids?_

"Do we want to have more kids? I'm sorry, it's just I always imagined myself with three or four." Harry blushes. He feels vulnerable talking to Louis about something so personal and intimate. He wants to know where they stand on the subject but he feels like it's an intrusion to ask. Secretly, he hopes the answer is yes so that he can have a child that he never lost memories of, a child that he can know on his own from the very beginning and not through someone else's explanations and stories. And, well, if Harry happens to love babies and wants a whole bunch of them, that's just purely coincidental.

"We do, you wanted a big family and I love kids too. When we were younger we used to talk about how we'd have a bunch of little Tomlinson’s running around the house. We're actually expecting twin boys in July.” Louis smiles again at this, but he has a look of unease at the talk of the future.

"What do you mean we're expecting?" Harry is confused again. He knows boys can't get pregnant and Louis definitely doesn't look pregnant, but he said expecting not adopting so wouldn't that imply pregnancy?

"Our surrogate, Jessie, her due date is July 13th." Louis explains. Harry can't help but wonder if Louis thinks he knows what a surrogate is. Harry does know, of course, that babies have always been an interest of his. Around the time he figured out his sexuality he'd also done a bit of research about ways for gay men to have children and had taken it upon himself to learn. But most 16 year olds Harry knows wouldn't have a clue what surrogacy is. Harry wonders if Louis remembers, that in his mind at least, Harry really is only 16 years old.

"Where do we live?" Harry asks. He figures that he probably doesn't live with his mum anymore if he has kids of his own.

"Just outside of London. We have a beautiful house with lots of space for the children. Before the accident you were working on decorating the nursery for the twins. You would spend hours in there trying to get every detail right, from the colors to the decals on the walls to the stuffed animals you and Nate picked out. But your favorite room was always the music room. It's more of a recording studio, really. It's where you keep your guitars and I have my baby grand piano. I was teaching you how to play the piano before, well, you know," Louis mumbles towards the end. The way he talks reminds Harry that the person Louis is talking about isn't him, not really. He doesn't remember doing those things. He doesn't remember even playing guitar. The person Louis is telling him about is just as much a stranger to Harry as Louis is.

 

☼ ☼ ☼

 

Harry's been awake in the hospital for three days now, but he hasn't done that much. The hospital has been restricting his visiting hours because they don't want him to get overwhelmed. Louis has come to visit every day during meal times but they mainly sit and eat in silence. Harry's not sure if he can ask questions and Louis doesn't know what to say to his husband who doesn't remember him.

Today is different though. They're letting Harry go home today. After a month in a coma at the hospital, all of his wounds have healed. Louis isn't there to eat breakfast with Harry this morning, but Harry's okay with that. The awkward silences were making him feel guilty. Louis does show up just before lunch though, and he has little Amelia with him.

"Babe, they're letting you come home today," Louis smiles brightly, "Did you hear that Mia, papa's coming home!" He tickles the toddler’s tummy and she claps her hands in delight.

She leans into Louis' shoulder and asks tentatively, "papa's lap please?"

Louis tickles her sides while he replies, "Of course, sweetheart? papa would love to hold you! Isn’t that right papa?" It takes Harry a moment to realize that when Louis says papa he's talking about Harry.  _Harry's a dad._

Harry takes a deep breath to steady himself before he pats his lap, "C'mere munchkin." Harry didn't have to pretend to be happy to hold the little girl in his arms. She's a doll, really. She's so cute and timid and has beautiful curls. Harry can't get over how much she looks like Gemma.

She leans into Harry's side and whispers, "I missed you papa. No one else would play princesses with me while you were sick!" Harry's completely enamored with the small child. He doesn't doubt that he used to play princesses with her. He doesn't think there's anything he wouldn't do to make her happy.

"I- uh, brought you some clothes," Louis says looking a bit insecure. "Can't have you leaving in just a hospital gown now can we?" Harry gives him a small smile that he hopes Louis understands is a thank you.

"Miss Mia," Harry says tickling his daughter's sides, "Can you go back to your other papa so I can get changed?" Harry realizes he's made a mistake when he sees panic flash in Louis' eyes.

"But I don't have any other papa," Mia looks like she's about to cry.

"Amelia, princess, love, it's alright come back over here to daddy so papa can get dressed please." Louis looks panicked but Amelia complies, smiling again. It takes Harry a moment but as he's getting dressed he realizes that the children must call him papa and call Louis daddy. He wishes Louis had said something before. That definitely is important information that Harry really should have been told.

Harry makes quick work of getting dressed. The jeans look far too fitted but when he puts them on Harry realizes that 28 year old him isn't pudgy the same way 16 year old him was, and can actually pull off skinny jeans. The rest of his outfit is quite simple, just a plain black tee shirt, a hoodie and a pair of brown suede boots with a slight heel. None of it is clothing he would have picked out on his own, but it all fits so he figures it'll suffice.

They're about to leave the hospital when Louis stops, remembering something, "There's probably gonna be, um, a lot of paps outside, but I need you to act like they don't exist, okay? You'll be holding my hand but you need to pretend like everything's okay. We'll probably get hounded with questions but just ignore them and try not to let your face show any emotion. Also, you'll need to put this back on." Louis hands him a diamond encrusted golden band that Harry assumes must be his wedding band. He can see a similar one on Louis' left hand ring finger as well. Harry slides it on, taking a moment to adjust to the feeling of the cold metal against his skin. "Here's your wallet and cell phone, just in case," Louis says, passing over a Burberry wallet and a phone that looks far more technologically advanced than anything Harry's ever seen before. He quickly pockets both the phone and the wallet and they head out.

"Just hold my hand and pretend like they're not there, okay, love?" Louis reminds Harry, as they're about to exit the building. "And, you little miss Mia, you know you need to hide in daddy’s shoulder right?" Amelia nods her head before tucking it into her father's shoulder.

As they approach the exit to the hospital Harry can see the number of paps waiting outside. He's baffled by the thought that he's famous enough that there are paps outside his hospital.  _They want pictures of him_. He's overwhelmed and scared and intimidated and also a little bit excited. He's never been of much interest to anyone before and he can't help but revel in the fact that people are curious about him. Harry reaches for Louis hand and interlaces their fingers. Harry's never held hands with another boy before but something about it feels natural and familiar and it puts him at ease. Harry knows that Louis will take care of him. He trusts Louis to get them out of here safely.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thank you to [Khadija](https://twitter.com/littlehazspoon) and [Katie](https://twitter.com/doofusharry) for helping beta this chapter!

Amnesia fic chapter 2

 

Louis drives Harry home from the hospital in a black range rover. Harry doesn’t recognize his surroundings but he’s not surprised, he’s never lived anywhere outside of Cheshire. Anywhere that he can remember that is. Louis had told Harry back at the hospital that they have a large house but that doesn't even begin to cover it. Harry is absolutely blown away by the size of the house. “House” isn't even the right word to describe it; it's more of a mansion or an estate. The house on its own is gigantic; clearly four or five stories high, with a separate garage house and what looks to be a pool house near a glassed-in pool. It looks like something out of a magazine or an over-the-top Hollywood movie.

 

"All-all of th-this is ours?" Harry stutters. "How many buildings are there?" He's absolutely flabbergasted at the size of the place.

 

"Yeah, I'll give you a tour later. For now though, let's eat some lunch and then Amelia needs to take a nap. The lads are all over, they're watching Nate, and I think Zayn and Niall may have their kids with them too." Louis turns to face Mia, "Mia, if Aoife, Siobhan and Hayden are here I expect you to share with them, understand? No taking things or fighting over toys, okay munchkin?"

 

"Yes daddy," Amelia pouts. It's clear that the toddler has no desire to share her toys. Harry smiles at how cute she is. He can't believe that she's his daughter. He doesn't need to ask Louis to know that she's his biological daughter. The curls and green eyes and uncanny resemblance to Gemma make that clear. He knows that Nate must be biologically Louis'. Nate looks like a miniature version of Louis. It's actually a bit scary how similar they look. Harry wonders who's the biological father for the twins they're expecting, he makes a mental note to ask Louis about that later.

 

They pull into the garage. Louis hops out of the car and goes around to the side to unbuckle Mia and let her out. Harry takes a moment to look around. In the garage there are 6 cars besides the one Louis just drove. Louis sees Harry looking around.

 

"The car you normally drive is in the shop. It was nearly totaled in the accident." Louis face is a careful mask but Harry can tell thinking of the accident scares Louis. Harry slides his hand into his husband's, hoping it'll comfort him. It makes Harry feel safe as they walk inside hand in hand.

  


☼   ☼   ☼

 

The afternoon passes by in a blur. Harry meets Liam, Zayn and Niall again over lunch as they all eat pizza. He's introduced to Niall's two daughters, Siobhan, who's six and Aoife, who's two, as well as Zayn's four year old son Hayden. None of the lads say much to Harry. He can tell they want to talk about him but don't know what to say to him. So Harry leaves. He goes to join the kids. He feels closer in age to them anyways. He doesn't actively play with them, but he sits with them, smiling at their cute little idiosyncrasies and wishing he could go back to his toddler days.

It's not long before the boys and their kids head out, leaving just Harry, Louis, Nate and Mia at home. Harry doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know if he's expected to tidy up or play with the kids or what. He remembers Louis saying he's a self proclaimed housewife but Harry's not even sure how he feels about that. He doesn't know what to do. It makes Harry uncomfortable. He feels so out of his element, so out of place.

 

☼   ☼   ☼

 

Harry finds a couch and sits down, curling up in a ball. He wishes the couch would swallow him up whole. He's so overwhelmed by everything in this "new life". It's as if he's been thrown in the deep end of a pool without knowing how to swim. He doesn't know how to behave or what's expected of him. He hasn't the slightest idea what he's supposed to be doing and that terrifies him.

 

Harry needs structure in his life. He needs to know where he's needed and what he's needed for and what he has to do. Even as a child he'd never handled free time well, not knowing what to do with himself.

 

Harry nearly jumps with surprise when a five-year-old ball of energy barrels into him on the couch.

 

"Papa! Papa! Papa! Can you tell me the story about how you and Uncle Liam and Uncle Niall and Uncle Zayn and daddy met again please? Please please please!" The little boy talks a mile a minute.

 

"Whoa calm down there buddy. Breathe." Harry says, startled by his son. He doesn't know how to interact with him. _What is he supposed to tell him? Harry doesn't even remember how they all met so how is he supposed to tell the story? How is he supposed to have a conversation with Nate? Is he supposed to be strict? Does he have to be disciplinary? Harry doesn't want to be mean to the boy. He doesn't know how to be a parent. What if he fucks everything up? He gets himself so worked up and freaked out by the task of parenting he has to remember to breathe too._

 

"Sorry kiddo, when I got hurt and was in the hospital I lost a bunch of my memories. I don't remember how I met your uncles or your daddy. I don’t remember you or your sister either," Harry says patting Nathaniel's back.

 

It was clearly the wrong thing to say because Nate looks like he's about to cry. He slides off the couch, tears welling in his big blue eyes.

 

"You-you-you for-forgot me?" he sobs before running off. Harry realizes a moment too late he probably should have run after him. Harry doesn't know his way around the house and he can't remember which way Nate ran off.

 

Harry wanders around the first floor of the house searching for his son for what feels like ages before he climbs the grand staircase upstairs. There, he walks into a few rooms that appear to be for guest visitors before he finds the door with the wooden letters that spell out "Nathaniel". Harry tentatively knocks on the door. He can hear Nate crying on the other side of the door.

 

"Amelia I'm busy with your brother right now. If you need something go find papa please sweetheart," Louis calls out in response to the knock on the door. Harry opens the door a bit.

 

Harry peaks his head in. "Uh, sorry, it's me," he says, embarrassed. Louis’ expression changes from one of concern to that of anger as he realizes it's Harry.

 

"We need to talk. Now." Louis glares at Harry. He turns to their son, all expression of anger leaving his face, "Natey, I'm gonna go talk with papa for a little bit, will you be okay?" The small boy nods his head, wiping his tears off his cheeks. As Louis gets up Nathaniel wraps his arms around his father's legs holding tight. "It's okay buddy, I'll be back soon alright?" Louis presses a kiss to the boy's head, before grabbing Harry's shoulder and physically tugging him out of the room.

 

Louis waits until they’re out of earshot before he turns around facing Harry. "What the fuck were you thinking? Why the hell would you tell your child you don't remember him? What on earth made you think that would ever be a good idea?" Louis throws his hands up in the air in frustration. "C'mon, we need to talk." Harry doesn't say a word as he follows Louis into what must be the master bedroom. Harry sits down on the bed. He knows he should be focusing on Louis and what Louis has to say, but he can't help but think about how this must be _their_ bed, since they're a married couple. Harry blushes as he realizes that they've slept together. Most likely in this bed, _their bed_. Harry wonders if they had sex a lot before the accident.

 

"Harry, Harry are you even listening to me?" Louis snaps, absolutely livid.

 

"Yeah sorry, I uh, got distracted," Harry mumbles, praying Louis won't pick up on his blush. He feels so guilty about what happened with Nate, but he doesn't know how to say that. He doesn't know how to tell Louis that he's scared and overwhelmed and doesn't know what he's doing.

 

"What the bloody hell were you thinking? Nathaniel has been fucking sobbing in his room for the past half hour because his papa doesn't remember him! Do you have any fucking idea what something like that will do to a child? Do you even fucking know how to be a parent?" Louis is pacing back and forth across the room as he yells at Harry.

 

"No! No I don't have a fucking clue how to be a parent! That's the problem isn't it? I don't know what the fuck I'm doing! I'm only sixteen years old! I'm not ready to be a dad! I don't know what to do! I'm completely in over my head here!" Harry knows he's screaming but he doesn't care. "I feel so fucking bad for making Nathaniel cry. You don't think I realize I'm a shit parent? I'm fucking everything up. I don't even know my own kids!" Harry breaks down crying.  He feels the mattress sink as Louis sits down next to him.

 

"I'm sorry. I know this is hard on you. I keep forgetting you don't remember," Louis whispers as he pulls Harry into a hug. Harry blushes at the contact. They're so close and they're on a bed. He leans into Louis, appreciating the warmth of his hug. Something about it feels natural, almost like déjà vu. Harry feels safe and loved. He wonders if he and Louis used to cuddle a lot. Harry's always been a cuddler and he's not sure he'd be able to handle it if his husband doesn't like cuddles.

 

"I wish you would remember," Louis says almost wistfully.

 

"I want to remember. I don't like not knowing my own past. I feel like I don't even know myself anymore. I know I'm not doing anything right. I'm sorry; I don't want to disappoint you." Harry murmurs into Louis' shoulder, he doesn't think the older boy can hear him.

 

"Oh baby, you haven't disappointed me. I shouldn't have yelled at you. That was unfair of me. I love you H."

 

Louis leans down looking into Harry's eyes. Harry realizes a moment too late what Louis is about to do. He feels sparks run up his spine and his lips feel like they're on fire as Louis kisses him softly. Harry doesn't make any move to kiss back. He sits there in shock, dumbfounded until Louis pulls back, disappointment written across his face.

 

"I-I-I'm sorry I-I can't," Harry stutters. He pushes Louis away and sprints out of the room. He's not sure if he's running from Louis or his feelings or just from life in general. He just knows he needs to get away. He needs to get some air. He needs to get some space.

 

☼   ☼   ☼

 

Harry's not sure how, but he manages to find his way back to the garage. There's a rack on the wall with several sets of keys. Harry grabs and presses the unlock button hoping it's one of the cars in the garage. A black Mercedes Benz chirps and blinks its lights. Harry doesn't hesitate to climb in.

 

Harry quickly leaves the property and hits the road. He drives without any real goal or direction for about an hour trying to clear his head. It doesn't work.

 

The fuel gage on the car is precariously close to empty when Harry pulls into a gas station. While the car is filling up Harry looks through the car's GPS system, hoping there's somewhere he recognizes that he can run away to. Thankfully his mother's address is in the GPS and it hasn't changed from when he was a child. He pays for the gas with a shiny credit card from the wallet Louis gave him earlier and heads for his mum's.

 

As Harry pulls into the familiar driveway, he finally feels like he can breathe again. He's home. He remembers this. It's familiar. He's comfortable.

 

Upon closer inspection, Harry notices that the house has actually changed quite a bit. There have been several additions and the place has nearly doubled in size. But nonetheless, it's still his home and he feels more like himself than he has since he first woke up in the hospital.

 

Harry doesn’t bother to knock as he enters the house. It's his house, his home; knocking would feel wrong.

 

"Mum?" he calls out from the foyer. "Mum, are you home?"

 

"Harry?" his mum calls from down the hall. Her voice is full of surprise and concern.

 

"Harry, what on earth are you doing here?" she calls again. Harry walks into the kitchen. His mum is at the counter preparing a salad. It's such a familiar sight he almost forgets that he isn't a sixteen year old living with his mum anymore. He almost forgets that he's a married man with children and responsibilities. He wants to go back to being sixteen. He wishes this could be a normal day and he's coming home from school and his mum is in the kitchen making dinner. Harry feels cheated; he missed out on time that he should have gotten to spend being a normal teenager coming home from school to his mum cooking in the kitchen. He misses his old life so much it hurts.

 

"Mum," Harry whispers. He's on the verge of tears.

 

"Oh baby come here, what's wrong love? I'll make up a cuppa. Why don't you go up to your old room and I'll be up in a minute?" Anne kisses his cheek and gives him a tight hug before sending him off to his childhood bedroom.

 

☼   ☼   ☼

 

Louis is freaking out. Louis is scared. Louis is a fucking idiot.

_How could he be so stupid?_ Louis is mentally slapping himself. He knows Harry doesn’t remember him. He knows Harry is still a sixteen year old mentally. He knows he shouldn’t have kissed him. It’s just that in the moment Louis forgot about all of that. He forgot his husband lost his memory. He forgot that Harry’s still “sixteen”. He hated seeing Harry so upset. He wanted to make Harry smile. It just so happened that he also conveniently forgot about Harry’s memory. He forgot that his husband isn’t actually _his husband_ , not really, not since the accident.

The thing is though that Louis knew Harry as a sixteen year old and he remembers how insecure and scared Harry was the first time they kissed. He remembers how it took a solid two days before Harry would talk to him again. He knew something like this would happen if he tried to make a move after the accident but he went and forgot and did it anyway and now he doesn’t know where Harry is or when Harry’s coming home.

 

So now Louis is pacing back and forth in their bedroom. He's about to lose his fucking mind because a) Harry’s run off to God knows where and b) it’s entirely his fault. He sends out a quick text to the boys asking if any of them have heard from Harry. He doesn’t expect them to have. Harry doesn’t know them; they’re strangers to him.

 

Louis is interrupted in his search by a shrieking three year old.

 

“DADDY I’M HUNGRY!” Amelia yells, running into the room. “Where’s papa? Need him to make me a cheese toasty!”

 

“Mia, indoor voices please,” Louis reprimands.

“Sorry daddy,” the three year old pauses, staring at her feet. “Can you find papa and get him to make me a cheese toasty? Pretty please?”

“Papa isn’t home right now princess. Why don’t we order some takeout instead?” Louis wishes he was able to make real food for his children but unfortunately, cereal and milk was about the most complicated meal he could make. Harry had always been the one to do the cooking for the family. Mia frowns.

“Is papa back in the ‘opital?” her bottom lip trembles.

 

“No no love, papa’s just gone out for a bit, he’ll be back soon,” Louis reassures her. He wishes he could be as confident about it as he pretends to be for Mia.

 

While they’re waiting for the food to arrive, Louis receives a text from Anne.

 

_H is safe and here for the night. I’ll make sure he heads home tomorrow. Give my grandbabies kisses for me. Love u .xx_

 

Louis lets out a long breath he didn’t know he was holding. He misses the way life used to be with his husband but anything is better than Harry being in the hospital. Harry is safe; that’s all that matters.

 

☼   ☼   ☼

 

Harry takes the familiar staircase up to his bedroom. The room isn't the way he expected it. He can barely recognize the room. His twin bed has been replaced with a queen-sized one and the posters that once papered his walls are no longer there. Instead, there are framed photos; some of Harry and Gemma, some of Harry and Louis, a handful of ones of Mia and Nate and lastly, a professional looking collage of Harry, Louis and the lads he'd met earlier; Zayn, Liam and Niall.

 

Harry wonders who redecorated the room. He thinks it was probably him; he wouldn't be willing to let his mother change things so drastically, a place that's so important to him. The way the photos are framed and the color scheme of the room feel like something he would have picked out. It feels comfortable and it feels like him; granted, an older more mature him, but he can still recognize stylistically that he appreciated the same atmosphere in a room.

 

Harry wants to poke around the room and look in the desk and go through the drawers. He can't bring himself to do it though; it feels too much like an invasion of privacy. Harry doesn't know what the room is currently used for; it might not even be his things he's poking around in. There's a laptop sitting on the desk. It looks like the one Harry remembers having as a sixteen year old. He's itching to open it up and see everything he's missed in the past twelve years.

 

“Knock knock,” Harry’s mum says, standing outside the door. “I come bearing tea,”

 

“Thanks mum,” Harry sighs.

 

“Baby what’s wrong?” Anne asks as she hands him his tea.

 

“It’s just so frustrating not being able to remember anything and it’s like Louis doesn’t want to tell me everything. I feel like I can’t even ask him questions half of the time and I’m just so lost and I know there’s so much he’s not telling me.”

 

Harry knows he’s whining but given the circumstances, he feels entitled to be able to complain. It’s not like he asked for this to happen to him.

“Harry, love, I know you must have a million questions but you’ve gotta understand it’s painful for Louis to explain everything to you. You lost your memories but he lost the part of his husband who remembers him. And before you go and get all defensive, I’m not saying you are right or wrong or that he is right or wrong, I just think you need to understand that this isn’t easy on him either.” Anne pauses for a moment to gauge Harry’s reaction but when he doesn’t say anything she continues, “Maybe you should try to find out what you can on your own for now? I think you still have your old journals you kept from The X Factor in your desk and there are some magazines and old scrapbooks and things in the drawers and you have your laptop so you can Google. Why don’t you spend the night here and catch up on what you’ve been up to for the past twelve years and then we’ll talk in the morning yeah? Make a list of questions as you find out stuff and I’ll see if I can answer them tomorrow. Okay?”

“Yeah mum, I can do that,” Harry agrees.

 

“Good night honey, I’ll see you in the morning. I love you so much Harry.”

“I love you too mum.”

As soon as his mum leaves, Harry gets to work finding things in his old desk. He pulls out the scrapbooks and journals his mum had mentioned and lays them in a stack on his bed. He leaves his laptop on the desk, best to stick to primary sources for now he thinks.

The magazine on top of the stack catches his eye. The cover is a picture of him and Louis holding hands and smiling like idiots; it’s titled ‘Larry Stylinson: X Factor to wedding bells’. The magazine says it’s the “Larry tell all from the boys themselves”. It contains lots of quotes from Harry and Louis about how their relationship started and how they were forced to hide. Harry has to take a break from reading for a moment when he gets so angry. He can’t believe he was forced to hide his sexuality, his boyfriend, and his love, for five years. He can understand now why Louis was so cautious to tell him their story. Harry’s eyes tear up as he reads an article about their coordinating tattoos and how they found ways to express their love for each other despite their band’s management holding them back. Harry finds himself looking on his body for the tattoos mentioned in the article, glad to know their significance.

 

He spends hours pouring over the old journals he kept, trying to absorb every last detail. He likes knowing that they were his journals. It feels like he's telling himself a story. It's nice to not have to ask questions for once but to still get answers anyways.

 

After sufficiently absorbing the information and stories from his journals, Harry turns to the laptop. He searches his own name and the band's name and his new married name and takes the time to read every article he can that pops up. He switches to YouTube and watches interview after interview.

 

The only thing he doesn't do is listen to their music as a band. Harry doesn't know why, but a part of him feels weird listening to his own music all by himself. So instead he watches as many interviews as possible to try to grasp the dynamics between himself and the other members of the band, especially Louis.

Harry’s overwhelmed by how evident it is that he was madly in love with Louis. He finds himself crying over the fact that he’s forgotten that love. He can tell from what he’s read and what he’s seen that Louis made him unbelievably happy. He’s so sad to have lost the memories of that. He hopes he can get back to that place of being so unconditionally in love. For the first time since he woke up in the hospital, Harry wants to be with Louis. He wants to have what they used to share before the accident. He wants the love, he wants the companionship, and he wants the memories back.

 

☼   ☼   ☼  

 

Ever since the accident, mornings have been really difficult for Harry. He wakes up forgetting the accident happened and it takes a few minutes before the truth comes crashing down on him. _He has amnesia. He’s twenty-eight. He’s famous. He’s married. He has kids._ The morning waking up at his mum’s is no different; If anything, it’s worse because it’s so close to his sixteen year old life he can almost pretend the accident never happened and he never lost his memories.

 

"Harry, breakfast!" his mum calls from downstairs. The familiarity of it almost hurts, he misses it so much. "Harry! Breakfast now love. We need to talk." Harry slowly trudges downstairs, feeling very much like the teenager he wishes he still was.

 

In the kitchen, his mum already has his favorite breakfast laid out and she's sitting at the table texting someone on her phone. Harry finds it really odd that his mum texts with some regularity now.

 

"Sit." she tells Harry and he knows better than to argue. "How are you feeling love?" she asks him. Harry doesn't reply at first. He can tell she's upset with him, but he honestly doesn't know what he's done wrong.

 

"I'm okay," Harry says hesitantly. He doesn't know what else to say. Physically he's fine, other than maybe being a bit sleep deprived; emotionally though, he's a confused mess.

 

"Honey, I know there's a lot you don't remember, and this is all new to you but you can't do that again. You can't run away from your problems Harry, they'll chase you and come crashing down on you. You can't abandon your family like that. They need you. It's okay to be scared love, everyone gets scared. But it's not okay to leave because you're scared. You've got two beautiful little children who need their papa and a husband who loves you all the world and would go through hell and back for you. Louis will help you out; he wants you to remember more than anyone. He wants you back. If there's anything that's gonna trigger your memories to come back it'll be spending time with your family and going back to your normal routine."

 

The thing is, Harry knows his mum is right and he knows he has to go back. It's just he’s absolutely terrified. He's terrified because he feels like he's fumbling blindly in the dark and he's terrified because he thinks he might really want this new life, this relationship with Louis and that completely takes him by surprise.

 

His mum coughs and Harry figures it's because she's expecting him to reply.

 

"I'm sorry mum, I've got to go home," he tells her with a newfound confidence.

 

"That's my boy," his mum smiles, giving him a big hug. "Don't forget to tell my grandbabies I love them and give them kisses for me."

 

☼    ☼    ☼

 

Harry gets back in his car and heads home. He's thankful that the address is programmed in the GPS so he doesn't have to ask for it. He drives along for twenty minutes or so just letting his mind wander when the car stereo informs him that he has an incoming call from Gemma via Bluetooth. He fumbles in his pocket for the phone Louis had given him at the hospital. He's not really sure what he clicks on the touch screen but the next thing he knows Gemma's voice is over the car stereo.

 

"Harry! How are you? I've been worried sick! I wanted to come visit but I couldn’t leave Brad alone with the kids and Molly had a footie tourney that I couldn't miss and I'm sorry. I'll bring the kids and we'll come visit soon. How are you feeling buddy?"

 

"I'm okay," Harry says slowly. He's not sure how much Gemma knows about what happened. He feels strange, he doesn't know how to talk to his sister as a grown up. He doesn't want to seem too childish--he's already the “baby brother”; there is no need to give Gemma more of a reason to tease him. "Gem, did-did mum tell you about my memory?"

 

"Yeah she did, she wasn't very specific about it though. Why don't you tell me about it?" Gemma asks.

 

"Well, um, so, uh, basically, like, in the accident, I, uh, hit my head and you know how impact can like mess up your head? Well it like affected my memories so, like, I don't remember anything from when I was sixteen up until, like, when I woke up in the hospital. The doctor said the memories will probably come back though." Harry explains.

 

“How’s Lou holding up? I’ve been texting him a bit but he’s been so busy with the kids and everything he hasn’t had much time to talk.” Harry is surprised by the evident sense of camaraderie and friendship between his sister and his “husband”.

 

“Um, I’m uh not really sure. He kind of like got really mad at me because I don’t know how to be a dad and then he tried to kiss me and I freaked out a bit so I like went to mum’s for the night and well yeah. I don’t really know how he is.” Harry feels embarrassed admitting that he left. He knows he shouldn’t have, he just really needed some time to think.

 

“Aw babe, how are you feeling? Also when you say Louis _tried_ to kiss you, do you mean you really didn’t kiss him back? I’ve seen you two suck faces more than anyone should ever have to witness. But seriously how are you?” Gemma’s clearly trying not to laugh but Harry can still recognize the concern in her voice. She’s his big sister; she’ll always look out for him.

 

“I’m just processing it all. Like I know I’m not sixteen anymore but like, I still feel like I am and it’s weird being an adult and like being married and having kids like I feel like I fell asleep a teenager and woke up as an adult with actual responsibilities and I hate the fact that I can’t remember how I got here. I feel like I’m missing out on so much and from the pictures I’ve seen it sounds like those memories I lost are amazing. I don’t even know all of what I’m missing but it feels like something has been stolen from me,” Harry tries not to sound like a whiny teenager but in his defense, he does have a legitimate reason to be upset.

 

“Aw H, I’m so sorry. It’ll get better I promise. I gotta go, the kids are demanding waffles and God knows Brad doesn’t make them right. I’ll call you later. Hang in there!”

 

And with that, Gemma’s voice disappears from the car stereo and Harry drives the rest of the way back to Louis’ house, his house, in silence.

 

When he enters the house, he’s greeted by an energetic Mia.

“Morning papa! Me and daddy missed you lots and lots!”

“I missed you too munchkin,” Harry replies, hugging the small girl and tickling her sides. He finds himself surprised that he really means it. He did miss her. It was like a part of him was missing while he was at his mother’s house and despite everything that’s happened, he feels whole now that he’s home. He may not remember his daughter but his heart hasn’t forgotten how much he loves her.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Let me know what you think!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please let me know what you think. The next chapter will be up soon.  
> If you want you can come talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/marvelandlourry) and [tumblr](https://louislikesboys.tumblr.com)


End file.
